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Getting married and buying a first home: two days representing some of the happiest – and most expensive – days most people ever celebrate.
The average wedding costs $36,000, according to the wedding registry platform Zola. The average home down payment is $55,500, according to real estate data firm ATTOM. In a market where baby boomers have the upper hand, and rising interest rates and inflation make homebuying feel more out of reach for young couples, some forgo a big wedding and put that money toward their home down payment.
Is it possible to have both?
A rising number of engaged couples want cash for a house from their wedding guests, instead of the typical “air fryers, fancy gravy bowls, blenders, and towels,” according to Zola.
In a survey of 6,000 couples registered on Zola this year, 87% are asking for cash and 41% are specifically requesting it for a home down payment, according to the company’s 2025 First Look report.
“Society has really moved in that direction and generally people are very comfortable giving cash, especially when they know what it’s going toward,” said Emily Forrest, Zola’s spokesperson.
If couples keep a few things in mind when using gift funds to help pay for a home, financial experts say it’s not a bad idea. Here’s what to know:
Make sure you and your partner are on the same page
Janelle Sallenave, chief spending officer at the financial services company Chime, knows a lack of financial transparency can end a relationship. Before getting married and purchasing a home, each person should fully understand who they are partnering with.
“If you’re engaged and planning a future together, getting on the same page financially is just as important as planning the wedding,” she said. “Financial honesty isn’t just helpful, it’s essential.”
Sallenave recommends talking through income, debts, spending habits, retirement savings, and overall goals. She encouraged couples to agree on whether they are merging bank accounts, tackling debt together, and who will make bill payments, for example.
“Setting clear roles and regularly checking in with each other can help both partners be involved and on the same page, avoiding problems or confusion down the line,” Sallenave said.
Financial experts agree it’s worth couples asking if they can afford the mortgage payments and costs that come with owning a home, even if wedding guests help with a down payment. Considering property taxes, homeowners insurance, repairs and bills, a 2024 Bankrate study found that owning a typical single-family home costs $18,118 per year, not including mortgage payments.
Be thoughtful in how you ask
Sallenave said it’s not unreasonable to request cash from wedding guests, but the way couples ask is crucial.
A couple should provide details about where the money is going, like the house they plan to buy or the neighborhood they’d like to move into, Forrest and Sallenave said. Avoid asking for specific amounts and make sure to send personalized thank-you notes, Sallenave added.
“While it can be awkward, if you approach it with care and gratitude, you’ll likely find that people are usually happy to help contribute to you taking that next big step,” Sallenave told USA TODAY.
Have the proper documentation
It’s important to keep the transactions organized, according to Rulon Washington, Wells Fargo’s executive director of mortgage sustainability.
Different mortgages have their own rules regarding gift funds. Washington said conventional mortgages, or those not backed by the government, usually expect gift funds to come from a spouse or relative, but they don’t explicitly say they can’t come from a friend.
“If you are going through underwriting with a conventional mortgage, you’re probably going to have to provide a lot more documentation to do it right,” Washington said.
He said FHA, VA, and USDA lenders are more lenient on where the money comes from, but they will still want to ensure the person giving you cash isn’t someone with a vested interest in the property, like a realtor.
In any case, gift letters signed by donors can often clear up confusion. They typically include the transaction date, amount given, and a statement that the money does not need to be repaid. Washington said it’s possible to ask a lender for a template.
Gifted cash untouched for a period of time, typically 60 to 90 days, becomes “seasoned funds,” meaning lenders often feel more assured it didn’t come from a loan, Washington said. That doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t ask for documentation. Those hoping to use the money quickly after receiving it will likely need to provide additional documentation, he added.
Washington suggested opening a savings or checking account dedicated to a down payment.
Keep your mortgage lender in the know
For those newly engaged or planning to use gift funds for a down payment, Washington said one of the best things to do is connect with a lender early.
“There’s a misconception that you shouldn’t talk to your bank until you’re ready. That is not correct,” he said. “Have that conversation with your bank at any point, specifically at the earliest time possible. They can help guide you and will essentially give you a cheat sheet on how to save for the down payment.”
This story was updated to correct a typo.
Reach Rachel Barber at rbarber@usatoday.com and follow her on X @rachelbarber_
