Dating expert reveals signs a relationship is toxic
Dr. Ramani explains how certain behaviors and conversations can indicate that your relationship is becoming toxic.
Everyone’s burned a bridge or two. Maybe you accepted a job offer then turned it down after a better one came through. Maybe you started dating your longtime crush shortly after breaking things off with your ex. But what if you didn’t burn a bridge, you actually just “cleared a path?”
We know, we know. Sounds a little far-fetched. But a viral TikTok posing that question has more than 500,000 views. And mental health experts understand why.
It’s “a powerful question that reframes our thoughts around exits in life,” says Chase Cassine, licensed clinical social worker. “It resonates because it gives language to leaving with intention – not just walking away but making room for growth.”
‘Loss is inevitable’
Cassine compares the phrase (or mantra, if you’re leaning into it) to today’s quiet quitting, therapy speak and boundary setting culture. The question “can prompt introspection and self-reflection not just on the outcome (the loss or exit) but on the intention and energy behind it. And holding yourself accountable and owning their part in the departure – was this exit driven by emotional clarity or emotional reactivity? Did I destroy something? Or did I make space for something better?”
It could be just what the doctor ordered in order to move on from a tough situation and owning one’s agency. “Sometimes, what people label as ‘burning a bridge’ is actually a necessary step toward self-preservation or healing, especially for people who’ve been taught to stay in harmful situations out of obligation or fear of being seen as difficult (people pleasers),” says Luis Cornejo, licensed marriage and family therapist.
Burning a bridge, generally, is seen as something hostile, especially in the workplace where competition and egos run amok. And “for women in particular, there are societal pressures that we should not burn bridges, that we should not assert our independence and that we prioritize other people’s feelings and needs above our own,” says Alice Shepard, clinical psychologist and the owner of Mirielle Therapy Practice. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
“The act of leaving takes courage and deserves admiration and support,” she adds. “So unless you are leaving a job in a wildly unprofessional way, stop worrying about burning a bridge; take a chance on yourself and go. Your ability to do so can also help others assert themselves.”
Plus, it’s necessary to let go of these moments in life. Snuggle up with your discomfort. “Loss is inevitable,” says Laura Petiford, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “And we can choose to focus singularly on the loss or we can choose to look at what might now be possible that wasn’t prior to the loss. Being able to shift perspectives can be enormously helpful when moving through a difficult time. However, that does not mean we get to negate the real pain that accompanies loss.”
‘Not all situations are so black-and-white’
Remember that there isn’t always a binary “burning a bridge” or “clearing a path,” nor does either necessarily connotate something good or bad.
“Not all situations are so black-and-white,” Cornejo says. “Some bridges needed to burn. Others maybe didn’t, but they taught us something. And sometimes, we don’t know whether we were clearing a path until much later.”
Cassine says that people could romanticize and celebrate cutting people off or justifying their own negative behavior. “So not every bridge burned deserves a badge of honor and not every clear path is without a consequence. Yet, the real takeaway is this: People can end things with intention and clarity instead of chaos and drama.”
