How do I know when someone is staring at me behind my back? Nick Gilbert, Leicester
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Readers reply
It seems to be a sense that goes far back into prehistory. Then, it was very important to know you were being watched. I experienced it once myself with a jaguar at an animal reserve; it’s pretty unnerving. StephanieSteele
Some years ago, at Bangkok’s main railway station, I pointed my camera at a Buddhist monk sitting with his back to me about 30 yards away. While I focused, he turned round and gazed directly at me. I lowered the lens and bowed and offered the camera to him. He nodded, turned back and I took the shot. I always thought his reaction was a result of a super-sensitivity to his surroundings and a generally heightened awareness.
But it has happened to me, too – the hair on the back of the neck prickles and I feel someone’s attention. Perhaps it happens only from the back. If so, it could be an in-built defence mechanism that alerts us to a possible predator in a subliminal way. I think it is a bit like the flight-or-fight response, from the days when we were more basic animals, when we needed warnings and reflexes to get us out of trouble. Goosebumps, blushing, adrenaline, hair-raising. All good, stimulating stuff. PaulS
I have experienced telepathy, so I expect this is something unknown to science. Madonna sang the lyrics: “Can’t you feel the weight of my stare?” I have seen this many times when I have been washing dishes at our kitchen sink. Happening to look out the window through almost-closed venetian blinds, a passerby on the other side of the street will, as soon as my eyes happen to rest upon them, immediately snap their head to turn 90 degrees and make eye contact with me. No searching, no looking in the general direction – so I believe they have felt some sort of mental transmission.
An ex-girlfriend – whose mother had apparently amazed doctors on the operating table by relating exactly who did what while her eyes were closed during a near-death experience – said her ears would tingle when someone was talking about her. On a number of occasions, she casually announced: “Mary’s about to call me,” and 10 seconds later the phone would ring and it would be Mary. This was the 70s – before mobile phones or the internet. crackling
Tucking a tail of toilet paper into the back of your waistband usually does the trick. Everyone within range will almost certainly be staring at your back, or at least the lower part of it. leadballoon
Maybe you only remember the times that you notice that someone is looking at you from behind, but you fail to register the hundreds of times that it happens unobserved by you. Colony69
Have children or take up teaching– you’ll soon develop eyes in the back of your head. Penelope
There are several options.
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Make an appointment at that funny-looking building on the Albert Embankment in London. Ask them to teach you “tradecaft”, which includes such skills. It’s no good asking me; I may know, but it’s secret.
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Take a pair of mirror sunglasses and glue them to the nose, with the bits that go round the ears facing forward. This is not so discreet. It works in that the person staring at your back probably won’t notice you looking at them looking at you, but it may invite stares from those in front.
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Eschew all usage of and reliance on electronic devices, then go to live in the forest, to hone your senses. Stay there until you’ve developed the sensitivity and instincts of a deer, one that is startled and flees at the sound of a moth landing on Dad’s favourite pullover 10 miles away. Afterwards, someone’s eyes boring into your back should be uncomfortable and at the very least raise the hairs on the back of your neck.
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Probably the easiest option is to be constantly in the company of someone else and get them to sit or stand opposite you at all times. A sympathetic, patient person is best – one who won’t mind being asked every two minutes: “Is someone staring at my back?” Maybe one of those pleasant people at the Albert Embankment could do it, as long as they’re not called Philby – absolutely charming, but a complete rotter. Never turn your back on people like that.
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But easiest is not always best, so the thing to do would be to learn not to worry about having one’s back stared at. This is achieved in easy steps by regular visits to the local conga-dancing club. bricklayersoption
